Psalm 42:7 Deep calls unto deep at the noise of your waterfalls; All your waves and billows have gone over me. The Lord will command his lovingkindness in the daytime, and in the night His song shall be with me--A prayer to the God of my life.
Thank you for the "noise of your waterfalls". The things that are of you call me to come to you and recieve the filling and refreshing of your Spirit. I dive deep with in your waves. I desire to recieve your loving kindness all the day and sing the song of prayer to you at night.
Change: Instead of listing to the negative buzzing world and my own distracting thoughts, I want to make room to notice in awe your lovingkindness all the day towards me.
Know: When I am open to your spirit, I can recieve a seed of joy in my heart; Then my song will not be hard to find.
Mim
Friday, December 17, 2010
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
Psalm 40:8 I delight to do your will, O my God, And your law is within my heart.
This is a simple verse, yet in these stressful times, even the simple things can seem hard if we lose our focus. When I first typed this verse I typed, O God, I left out the important MY. He is MY God, MY daddy. He is bigger than anything going on in my life or your life. Our Abba Father desires us to delight in doing His will. We should actually have JOY in being obedient. He summed it up in two simple things, we are to love him and others.
Sometimes we have the greatest problems in loving those closest to us, our spouses, members of our church, and our family. God calls us to use our faith and step out by loving the ones who have hurt us the most.
If we are to obey him in delight, we have to have the paradigm that He will keep us safe. He will show us how to love, using healthy boundaries and Godly wisdom. Our part is to put His law in our hearts continually and follow the Holy Spirit's leading.
Mim
This is a simple verse, yet in these stressful times, even the simple things can seem hard if we lose our focus. When I first typed this verse I typed, O God, I left out the important MY. He is MY God, MY daddy. He is bigger than anything going on in my life or your life. Our Abba Father desires us to delight in doing His will. We should actually have JOY in being obedient. He summed it up in two simple things, we are to love him and others.
Sometimes we have the greatest problems in loving those closest to us, our spouses, members of our church, and our family. God calls us to use our faith and step out by loving the ones who have hurt us the most.
If we are to obey him in delight, we have to have the paradigm that He will keep us safe. He will show us how to love, using healthy boundaries and Godly wisdom. Our part is to put His law in our hearts continually and follow the Holy Spirit's leading.
Mim
Monday, November 15, 2010
God is bigger that Divorce, Dissappointment or Death
I don't know whether to laugh or cry, to sleep or run a marathon. My emotions and energy are at two places at once. My spirit is ready to get back to joy and continue on my path of purpose. My flesh is still processing the death of my dad. I realize balance and perfect timing are my friends today. I have spent the last 30 days getting up early and spending time with the Lord and praying in the spirit through out the day. Five days ago life got in the way of my "spirtual routine". In reality it was death that came knocking on my door.
I found myself in my pastor's office telling him with tears in my eyes, I do not want to cry over this man anymore. He just looked at me smiled and spoke, "You being the professional counselor, know you have to grieve." I kind of laughed and said, "I know but I don't want to. You don't understand. Over my life I have cried enough tears over him for three deaths. One of those deaths was when he left me and my mom at the age of 7. But divorce is not like death, because the person is still there yet in my case not there. It is rejection pilled upon rejection everytime he did not take the time for me. The second death I grieved through therapy. I had to accept dad was never going to be the dad I so desperately needed.
LOVE was not the problem between us. We loved each other very much. It was other complications that got into the way. He had a new wife and a son. He was born in the 30's and divorced in the mid 6o's. He was on the cutting edge of that era and no books had been written about how to "do" the blended family thing. I just got left behind. It is like I spend a life time asking him to be in my life. He did not fit into my life and I did not fit into his. The chasm was too wide and the love on his part in my opinion was not strong enough. I felt like I was always the one calling him and working on our relationship. He did honor me and tell me how much he loved me. I believed him when he told me how special I was to him. I did appreciate the words. Yet words without actions fall very short .
He made me feel like I was not worth "fighting for". This theme bleed like a sickness into my life. I wanted him to fight for me. He never really did. I had to learn to accept what he was willing to give, a phone call every now and then sprinkled with sweet words that blessed me. I thought when my kids came along that would surely pull him towards us. My mom spoke to him on her death bed telling him to please be the dad I needed since she was no longer going to be here for me. NOTHING changed.
The most fantastic thing happened through all this. God found me and he became my dad. I accepted him in my bedroom at the age of 12 after reading the book called Peace with God by Billy Graham. Since then I have experienced such an intimate relationship with Jesus, Father God, and the Holy spirit. The love of God has more than made up for losing my dad.
In my thirty's my tears started to flow again in grief of my dad. It happened on a weekly basis. Here I was an adult and still crying over my dad. DIVORCE DOES HURTS THE KIDS! I was in leadership at a small yet intimate growing church. This one particular Sunday the supernatural power of God poured into our church. God personally touched me and I found myself lying at the alter crying. That may sound weird to some of you, but it was happening to most of the people there. It was not the norm, it was GOD.
As God's hand was upon me I started to cry and could not stop. It was coming from the debth of my soul. I lay there sobbing. I was clueless as to what I was crying about. In my spirit, I heard God say,"I doing spiritual surgery on you. I am bleeding all the pain and hurt you have felt from your dad. I am releasing it all from your soul." God reminded me that He, God, was my dad. He told me that He loved me and that He would never leave or forsake me. He had me remember all the times He was there for me. I don't remember how long I cried on the floor that day. God did not let go me until I had released a life time of pain, rejection and hurt. After that day with God, I NEVER felt that deep anguishing dad pain again. I was completely healed. I never cried over the loss again.
The day my dad died I was happy for him. He had Alzheimer's and was released from a 78 year old body. I knew he had asked Jesus into his heart years ago. I knew death was not the end but a new beginning. I knew he was out of pain and going to heaven to start his eternity with God and his family members who went before him.
I cried in my pastor's office due to the memory's of my wonderful dad. He was a great man and a treasure. But at his funeral I shed no tears. I felt no guilt. I just had no more tears to give and that was a good thing. I really did not go to say good by to my dad. I had done that years ago. I went to the funeral to reconnect with the family I had lost as a child. I found myself getting mad at my dad at his funeral. I saw my aunt Doris, uncles and cousins. Divorce not only stole my dad it stole a whole family from me. Even though I do not know this family very well it was funny how I loved them still. They are all so sweet and lovely in their own special way.
That brings me to the biggest blessing of all, short of God himself. My brother, Frank. Because of family junk my brother and I never got to know each other very well. I think it would please my dad very much that his son and I made a promise "to fight" for each other and make time to build a relationship with our families. Something dad could never do. This past week, I lost my dad, again, BUT I gained a brother, a sister-in -law, 2 of the cutest nephews and a precious 5 month old niece. That is a beautiful thing!
In Christ all things are made new. God can take any situation and turn it around for the good of those who love him.
I send my praises to God for he is good and his mercy endures forever.
Melissa Parker Clark
November 15th, 2010
I found myself in my pastor's office telling him with tears in my eyes, I do not want to cry over this man anymore. He just looked at me smiled and spoke, "You being the professional counselor, know you have to grieve." I kind of laughed and said, "I know but I don't want to. You don't understand. Over my life I have cried enough tears over him for three deaths. One of those deaths was when he left me and my mom at the age of 7. But divorce is not like death, because the person is still there yet in my case not there. It is rejection pilled upon rejection everytime he did not take the time for me. The second death I grieved through therapy. I had to accept dad was never going to be the dad I so desperately needed.
LOVE was not the problem between us. We loved each other very much. It was other complications that got into the way. He had a new wife and a son. He was born in the 30's and divorced in the mid 6o's. He was on the cutting edge of that era and no books had been written about how to "do" the blended family thing. I just got left behind. It is like I spend a life time asking him to be in my life. He did not fit into my life and I did not fit into his. The chasm was too wide and the love on his part in my opinion was not strong enough. I felt like I was always the one calling him and working on our relationship. He did honor me and tell me how much he loved me. I believed him when he told me how special I was to him. I did appreciate the words. Yet words without actions fall very short .
He made me feel like I was not worth "fighting for". This theme bleed like a sickness into my life. I wanted him to fight for me. He never really did. I had to learn to accept what he was willing to give, a phone call every now and then sprinkled with sweet words that blessed me. I thought when my kids came along that would surely pull him towards us. My mom spoke to him on her death bed telling him to please be the dad I needed since she was no longer going to be here for me. NOTHING changed.
The most fantastic thing happened through all this. God found me and he became my dad. I accepted him in my bedroom at the age of 12 after reading the book called Peace with God by Billy Graham. Since then I have experienced such an intimate relationship with Jesus, Father God, and the Holy spirit. The love of God has more than made up for losing my dad.
In my thirty's my tears started to flow again in grief of my dad. It happened on a weekly basis. Here I was an adult and still crying over my dad. DIVORCE DOES HURTS THE KIDS! I was in leadership at a small yet intimate growing church. This one particular Sunday the supernatural power of God poured into our church. God personally touched me and I found myself lying at the alter crying. That may sound weird to some of you, but it was happening to most of the people there. It was not the norm, it was GOD.
As God's hand was upon me I started to cry and could not stop. It was coming from the debth of my soul. I lay there sobbing. I was clueless as to what I was crying about. In my spirit, I heard God say,"I doing spiritual surgery on you. I am bleeding all the pain and hurt you have felt from your dad. I am releasing it all from your soul." God reminded me that He, God, was my dad. He told me that He loved me and that He would never leave or forsake me. He had me remember all the times He was there for me. I don't remember how long I cried on the floor that day. God did not let go me until I had released a life time of pain, rejection and hurt. After that day with God, I NEVER felt that deep anguishing dad pain again. I was completely healed. I never cried over the loss again.
The day my dad died I was happy for him. He had Alzheimer's and was released from a 78 year old body. I knew he had asked Jesus into his heart years ago. I knew death was not the end but a new beginning. I knew he was out of pain and going to heaven to start his eternity with God and his family members who went before him.
I cried in my pastor's office due to the memory's of my wonderful dad. He was a great man and a treasure. But at his funeral I shed no tears. I felt no guilt. I just had no more tears to give and that was a good thing. I really did not go to say good by to my dad. I had done that years ago. I went to the funeral to reconnect with the family I had lost as a child. I found myself getting mad at my dad at his funeral. I saw my aunt Doris, uncles and cousins. Divorce not only stole my dad it stole a whole family from me. Even though I do not know this family very well it was funny how I loved them still. They are all so sweet and lovely in their own special way.
That brings me to the biggest blessing of all, short of God himself. My brother, Frank. Because of family junk my brother and I never got to know each other very well. I think it would please my dad very much that his son and I made a promise "to fight" for each other and make time to build a relationship with our families. Something dad could never do. This past week, I lost my dad, again, BUT I gained a brother, a sister-in -law, 2 of the cutest nephews and a precious 5 month old niece. That is a beautiful thing!
In Christ all things are made new. God can take any situation and turn it around for the good of those who love him.
I send my praises to God for he is good and his mercy endures forever.
Melissa Parker Clark
November 15th, 2010
Sunday, November 7, 2010
Psalms 61: 10-12
Is it not you oh God who cast us off? And you God who did not go out with our armies? Give us help from trouble, For the help of man is useless. Through God we will do valiantly, For it is He who shall tread down our enemies.
This psalm is an urgent prayer from king David for the restored favor of God. David seems to be fighting battles against his enemy's and does not see God helping him. He seems to be wondering where God's favor is over his battles. Over the past two years I have many opportunities to feel the same way. My battle has not been with an army but with the economy, kids problems, things breaking in my home, parents dying. My dad at this very moment is at death's door.
When life gets overwhelming and disappointing, I have two choices, I can get in my row boat or my sailboat. If I chose my row boat I am in control. I am the master of my own boat as I grab the oars and in my own strength start to cut into the surface of the deep. I know this journey well. I am "doing" something. I am moving. I am surviving. I am thinking, worrying, and reacting to my situation in fear. Working diligently, my only accomplishment, is sweat running from my brow, with sorrow and disappointment as my friends.
I left no room for God to work. I jumped off on my own agenda and find myself worn out from all the work and worry. At that moment I might be like David and ask God, "Is it not you who cast me off? Why did you not go out with me to fight my army?"
I can hear God's response, "I was not consulted. There was no room for me in your rowboat. Remember my gift to you is freedom to chose...."
At this point I remember, the sailboat. God created the wind that can show me the way to understanding. He can show me the way to go and give me strength through His wind to carry me there. I can relax and have peace on the way. "Through God we will do valiantly." The base of the word valiantly in Greek is HIKANOS. It means to arrive competent (as if coming in season), ample in amount and fit in character plus content, enough, good, great, large, long (while), many, meet, much, security, sore, sufficient, and worthy. I will take my freedom of choice and chose to be valiant!
In response to the word of God I will make changes in my life today by:
Stop: Trying to do things in my own strength
Do: Walk valiantly in God's ways.
Know: God is never against me.
Change: The choices I make to go forward in my own strength.
Mimwrite
Is it not you oh God who cast us off? And you God who did not go out with our armies? Give us help from trouble, For the help of man is useless. Through God we will do valiantly, For it is He who shall tread down our enemies.
This psalm is an urgent prayer from king David for the restored favor of God. David seems to be fighting battles against his enemy's and does not see God helping him. He seems to be wondering where God's favor is over his battles. Over the past two years I have many opportunities to feel the same way. My battle has not been with an army but with the economy, kids problems, things breaking in my home, parents dying. My dad at this very moment is at death's door.
When life gets overwhelming and disappointing, I have two choices, I can get in my row boat or my sailboat. If I chose my row boat I am in control. I am the master of my own boat as I grab the oars and in my own strength start to cut into the surface of the deep. I know this journey well. I am "doing" something. I am moving. I am surviving. I am thinking, worrying, and reacting to my situation in fear. Working diligently, my only accomplishment, is sweat running from my brow, with sorrow and disappointment as my friends.
I left no room for God to work. I jumped off on my own agenda and find myself worn out from all the work and worry. At that moment I might be like David and ask God, "Is it not you who cast me off? Why did you not go out with me to fight my army?"
I can hear God's response, "I was not consulted. There was no room for me in your rowboat. Remember my gift to you is freedom to chose...."
At this point I remember, the sailboat. God created the wind that can show me the way to understanding. He can show me the way to go and give me strength through His wind to carry me there. I can relax and have peace on the way. "Through God we will do valiantly." The base of the word valiantly in Greek is HIKANOS. It means to arrive competent (as if coming in season), ample in amount and fit in character plus content, enough, good, great, large, long (while), many, meet, much, security, sore, sufficient, and worthy. I will take my freedom of choice and chose to be valiant!
In response to the word of God I will make changes in my life today by:
Stop: Trying to do things in my own strength
Do: Walk valiantly in God's ways.
Know: God is never against me.
Change: The choices I make to go forward in my own strength.
Mimwrite
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
You may not understand God's requests
Proverbs 3:5 Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean NOT on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your paths.
There are times I live the first sentence of this scripture backwards. It comes out like this: Trust in the Lord with all YOUR understanding and lean NOT on your own heart. God does speak to me in my heart. I do hear Him. Many times what I hear does not make logical sense, it passes my human understanding . This leads me to question, Was it really God? I have learned it does not have to make sense to me to really be God.
Here is an example. When I was living in NC God spoke to me in my spirit to go talk to my pastor about how I could help married couples who were experiencing infidelity. At the time I was not a counselor but had walked through the experience years earlier in my own marriage and knew how to over come the damage. I knew this pastor only as an acquaintance.
I made the appointment to see him. I had to take my daughter, Ashley who was two at the time. I told my pastor I knew the Lord wanted me to come and talk to him but did not know exactly why. I felt awkward as I spoke especially when he paid more attention to my daughter than to what I was saying. At the end of the appointment I tried to sum it up by saying, "Well I do not know why God wanted me to come and tell you this but if you have a couple in your church who is experiencing infidelity sent them to me. I have walked through it and know the keys to overcoming. The only time he was fully engaged with me was when he asked this question, "How can one ever establish trust once it has been broken?" I told him you have to trust God not your spouse. You have to set up healthy boundaries to allow the hurt spouse to feel safe and you have to make sure the adulteror is truly repentant and seeking professional help and has a structure of strong accountability."
Long story short God asked me to go back to see him 6 more times. I did not obey due to my pride, i.e. I thought, "He is going to think I am nuts if I keep coming back to see him." Because I relied on my own understanding, I did not trust God and did not go back to see my pastor. I dismissed it saying this must not be God if it does not make sense to me. Months later it was revealed to our church that this very pastor was having an affair. He ended up getting a divorce, lost his church, and it took years for that church to get healed of the situation.
God had picked little old me to be his spokes person. Instead of trusting God with my heart, and listening to Him, I listened to my insecure heart and leaned on my own understanding. Just think of the message that would have sent to my pastor if I had gone back 6 more times saying, "I don't know why I am here but God sent me again to tell you if you know anyone who is in an adulterous affair I can help." We will never know what impact God could have had through me in that particular situation.
In Isaiah 55:8-9 God tells us our thoughts are not His thoughts and our ways are not his ways. Let me encourage you, if you feel God is nudging you to do something, don't lean on your own understanding. Just do it. It may not be what others want you to do. It is so important to be obedient and set boundaries to enable you to do exactly what God has for you whether you understand it or not. Remember if God asks you to do something it is always in love and lines up to the words in the bible.
I am always asking myself, "I have the knowledge of the word but how do I apply it to work in my life?" I know step one is to trust Him with all our heart and lean not to my own understanding. Step two is in all your ways acknowledge him. "My ways" are the paths, the roads or the decisions I make on a daily basis. The key word is to acknowledge Him and then you will get the results of Him directing your paths. Yada is the Hebrew word for acknowledge. It can be translated into "know". The meaning is to know through observation, investigation, reflection, or firsthand experience. But the highest level of yada is in the direct intimate contact. If we are to get it right we need to know the information and the information giver.
If we want to have God direct our paths we must have direct intimate contact with Him on a daily basis. If we are too busy to be with Him, to listen to Him, to wait on Him, to get to know Him through his word or to pray to Him then we need to set up healthy boundaries so nothing steals our time with Him.
Pray about what to say yes to and what to say no to. Sometimes we get stuck into helping people because they are needy. Make sure you are doing what God wants you to do not what others expect you to do.
Suggestion for the day: Take the energy you use worrying about what others will think of you if you do not live your life trying to please them and devote that energy to pleasing God.
Mimwrite
There are times I live the first sentence of this scripture backwards. It comes out like this: Trust in the Lord with all YOUR understanding and lean NOT on your own heart. God does speak to me in my heart. I do hear Him. Many times what I hear does not make logical sense, it passes my human understanding . This leads me to question, Was it really God? I have learned it does not have to make sense to me to really be God.
Here is an example. When I was living in NC God spoke to me in my spirit to go talk to my pastor about how I could help married couples who were experiencing infidelity. At the time I was not a counselor but had walked through the experience years earlier in my own marriage and knew how to over come the damage. I knew this pastor only as an acquaintance.
I made the appointment to see him. I had to take my daughter, Ashley who was two at the time. I told my pastor I knew the Lord wanted me to come and talk to him but did not know exactly why. I felt awkward as I spoke especially when he paid more attention to my daughter than to what I was saying. At the end of the appointment I tried to sum it up by saying, "Well I do not know why God wanted me to come and tell you this but if you have a couple in your church who is experiencing infidelity sent them to me. I have walked through it and know the keys to overcoming. The only time he was fully engaged with me was when he asked this question, "How can one ever establish trust once it has been broken?" I told him you have to trust God not your spouse. You have to set up healthy boundaries to allow the hurt spouse to feel safe and you have to make sure the adulteror is truly repentant and seeking professional help and has a structure of strong accountability."
Long story short God asked me to go back to see him 6 more times. I did not obey due to my pride, i.e. I thought, "He is going to think I am nuts if I keep coming back to see him." Because I relied on my own understanding, I did not trust God and did not go back to see my pastor. I dismissed it saying this must not be God if it does not make sense to me. Months later it was revealed to our church that this very pastor was having an affair. He ended up getting a divorce, lost his church, and it took years for that church to get healed of the situation.
God had picked little old me to be his spokes person. Instead of trusting God with my heart, and listening to Him, I listened to my insecure heart and leaned on my own understanding. Just think of the message that would have sent to my pastor if I had gone back 6 more times saying, "I don't know why I am here but God sent me again to tell you if you know anyone who is in an adulterous affair I can help." We will never know what impact God could have had through me in that particular situation.
In Isaiah 55:8-9 God tells us our thoughts are not His thoughts and our ways are not his ways. Let me encourage you, if you feel God is nudging you to do something, don't lean on your own understanding. Just do it. It may not be what others want you to do. It is so important to be obedient and set boundaries to enable you to do exactly what God has for you whether you understand it or not. Remember if God asks you to do something it is always in love and lines up to the words in the bible.
I am always asking myself, "I have the knowledge of the word but how do I apply it to work in my life?" I know step one is to trust Him with all our heart and lean not to my own understanding. Step two is in all your ways acknowledge him. "My ways" are the paths, the roads or the decisions I make on a daily basis. The key word is to acknowledge Him and then you will get the results of Him directing your paths. Yada is the Hebrew word for acknowledge. It can be translated into "know". The meaning is to know through observation, investigation, reflection, or firsthand experience. But the highest level of yada is in the direct intimate contact. If we are to get it right we need to know the information and the information giver.
If we want to have God direct our paths we must have direct intimate contact with Him on a daily basis. If we are too busy to be with Him, to listen to Him, to wait on Him, to get to know Him through his word or to pray to Him then we need to set up healthy boundaries so nothing steals our time with Him.
Pray about what to say yes to and what to say no to. Sometimes we get stuck into helping people because they are needy. Make sure you are doing what God wants you to do not what others expect you to do.
Suggestion for the day: Take the energy you use worrying about what others will think of you if you do not live your life trying to please them and devote that energy to pleasing God.
Mimwrite
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