The Second Letter, The Mystery of Faith

In my first letter of faith dated 1996, I explained how God had promised me a child. I stated faith was the substance of things hoped for but not seen yet. I wrote, "I am sharing this with you for no reason than to prove once again God is a personal God and He does what He promises!

One year later, my life, and my circumstances were turned upside down, but my faith stood solid. Hebrews 11:1 Now FAITH is the assurance (the confirmation, the title deed) of the things (we) hope for, being the proof of things (we) do not see and the conviction of their reality (faith perceiving as real fact what is not revealed to the senses).

Read on, this is a long one but I think it will keep your attention. I share my testimony with you as a means to give you HOPE. Remember the word of God gives you faith.


Dearest of friends and family, March 12th, 1997


I actually wrote the first draft of this letter February, 16th, it was good but not perfect (not that I think this one is perfect). As I grow older I am more of a perfectionist. My only problem is I do not have the talents I need to convey my heart to others in writing. It would also help if I could spell. Thank God for spell check.

In the last four months, I have had some major events happen in my life. I wanted to share them with you because I know you care about me. But more importantly I wanted to share them with you because I want to testify how God has been real, powerful, and personal in my life. The last time I wrote you was in my 96' New Years Letter. In that letter I shared that God is still the God of miracles. I became vulnerable and shared, God had promised me a baby (Mark and I had tried for 4 years to get pregnant, well Mark did not try to get pregnant... that really would have been a miracle!) I shared because I wanted to give you a true example of how God requires his people to walk in faith. I wanted you to see through my life how God works in the lives of those who are faithful and believe His promises.

I do apologize to those, I have not contacted. I know this letter will come as a shock. I have been trying to think of a way to break the news... it has just been very hard.

Now that I have you on edge, bare with me a little longer. I was trying to come up with a word picture that would explain my perception of life's journey. My talents fell short so I asked for help. My neighbor and wonderful friend Thomasina captured my perception as only a true pro can (I have to give her some plugs cause she is not getting paid). Here is how she put it:

We are like caterpillars searching for food in which to thrive. Some caterpillars slink along every passing twig eating up everything in sight. They do it because it is easily attained, appealing to the eye, and tasty to the mouth. Others choose a stringent diet eating only those things which are good for the heart , soul and mind. Both kinds of caterpillars reach the inevitable moment when they must build a cocoon where major changes take place. A caterpillar whose cocoon is make out of imitation silk will be destroyed because the protective covering was only made of earthly desires and wishes. However the caterpillar who made his cocoon with the heart of God in mind will withstand the storms of life because it has been made with the perfect silk only the Lord Jesus can provide. This caterpillar will safely grow in humility, patience, and a wholesome love as God transposes him. God will then, set him free as the butterfly He designed all of us to become. The problem? Only a few of us chose God's perfect design.


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We have eaten our share of "junk leaves and twigs". I guess for some of us the question is how do "WE" start eating the kind of food that will build the kinds of cocoons that will protect us from the storms of life. We want to be all God has created us to be. Based on my life's experiences and God's truths I have my theory. "We" can do nothing but respond positively to what God is trying to do. Most of the time we are so hard headed, that God will use something major to get our attention.

This has been true in my life. The true treasures of God seem to come when I am going through storms and crisis. Through the devastation, when my strength is gone and my resources zapped then God steps in. He pulls out the junk one piece at a time...oh it hurts, I cry for relief! I bury my face in His chest. I do not tell Him to stop because I know He knows what He is doing. Every now and then when He pulls out a real "special" piece of junk. I grab it. I hold it tightly. Sometimes for long periods of time. I let go when it starts to rot a hole in my stomach. Only then
do I loosen my grip.

God will use crisis in our lives to rid us of the junk that ruins our lives. These crisis breakup every part of our world we have so nicely put together for ourselves. During these times we can chose how to respond. We can respond as if we were the center of the universe. Looking to God from our perspective we would ask questions and make statements such as: What have I done to deserve this? Where are you God? If you were a good God then you could never let something like this happen to me. Hear my cry, and listen to what I want you to do. You obviously do not know what you're doing. You do not really love me. I am never going to trust you again! You had your chance and you blew it. Move, cause I am taking over. You are not real anyway. When you die you're dead, so I'm going to eat drink and be merry! I am in control of my own destiny.

You might have a somewhat softer tone: God, I am tired and you're not moving fast enough. I deserve relief now. I just can not make it any more. I have tried to follow you but it is just too painful. I do not see any light at the end of my tunnel. Sorry God but I am catching the next train out of here.

You could chose to understand your crisis from God's perspective. Many of the psalms show His perspective. When I consider your heavens, the work of your fingers, the moon and the stars, which You have set into place... Remembering God as our creator is a step in the right direction. Knowing you can take refuge in Him and He is your shield. Oh Lord my God, I take refuge in you; save and deliver me from all who pursue me. My shield is God most High, who saves the upright in heart. The Lord is a refuge for the oppressed a strong hold in times of trouble. Those who know your name will trust in you, for you Lord, have never forsaken those who seek you.

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I certainly could have thought God had forsaken me when on December 5th, 1996 my husband called me to tell me he was leaving me for another woman. Hanging on the phone all I could do is listen in unbelief. He said, "Melissa I have been having an affair. I am with her now. She is pregnant with my baby. I love her more than I love you. I will not be coming home tonight. "
At that moment my cocoon could have ruptured, I lived the Psalm 6:6,7 written by King David. "I am worn out for groaning all night long I flood my bed with weeping and drench my couch with tears. My eyes grow weak with sorrow; they fail because of all my foes.

That was not the end of my sorrow. Shortly after Christmas my missionary friend called to tell me one of the orphan children (Mark and I had spend lots of time with these kids) was killed in an automobile accident. I went to Mexico to support my friends and say good bye to Daniel who was only 14 years old.

When I came home, I found out the contemporary Christian radio station, that ministered to me constantly, was being sold. This sounds like a stupid thing to get upset over but the encouragement of the station helped me make it through each day. Yet God has put something in my life that is even better.

Through all these months, my major manufacturer, who I get about 90% of my income has changed all the sales reps contracts 3 times. The final contract said they were going to pay me 1/2 my regular commissions and expected me to work twice as hard. Last week they decided to fire me. I can really relate to what Paul says in 2nd Corinthians, "We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not destroyed." I am broken and filled with sorrow. Much to my surprise on the hardest journey of my entire life I am strong. Yet not I but Christ in me.

Many have committed suicide for less. That could have been my destiny if I had made my cocoon out of imitation silk. I did not! As powerfully as things and people have been ripped out of my life even more powerfully has God spoken to me and moved on my behalf. I truly have a peace that passes all understanding (that's one of His gifts). Quite often I truly become puzzled at myself. My life is crazy yet I am experiencing this "peace" and sometimes joy. Then I remember... it is Him! HE IS REAL.

If you want to hear what God has done and is doing in my life call me. If I tried t write it down I could fill up 10 more pages. I am very happy and excited about where he is going to take me. I have found when I depend on Him He is faithful.

I invite you to watch my life. Watch Him work. This is faith: "The substance of things hoped for but not seen yet, Hebrews 11:1."

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I am going to have a ministry, what I have always wanted. I am going to have a Great Godly husband and a child. When it all comes to pass everyone will have to know GOD did it. He rewards those who diligently seek Him. When He is your best friend you do not have to worry! This does not mean life is always easy but it is a lot easier with Him than it is without Him.

Thank you so much for your prayers, calls, visits (Lisa Smiley) and letters, God has really used you to encourage me. We are not made to stand alone in our storms. Thank you for not forgetting about me. Keep praying for me. I need it.

Remember God will never leave you or forsake you. I am living proof of that.

God bless you,

Melissa


Now in 2007, God had full filled all he said, except I have two kids rather than one. God can do immeasurably more than you can ask or think. That promise is for you too!

Many people want to know what happen to the other lady's baby. It was aborted due to medical complications.