I was counseling a married couple last night and explaining about how to "fight fair". We were talking about the damage that can be done when a conversation escalates (see my page on escalation). I was helping them see all the ways they could prevent exculation.
Not 15 minutes after they left, my daughter was caught doing something, AGAIN, that she had done in the past and just gotten in trouble over. I was livid. My emotions escalated. One thing lead to another and before I knew it my whole family was starting to escalate. Who was escalating the most, yes you guessed it, the counselor, ME.
I did finally incorporate some of my "own" techniques and we ended up going to bed in a peaceful way. The point is we are all human. We are all capable of doing the wrong thing even when we should know better. When we realize this about ourselves we should firstly give ourselves grace.
Beating your self up with the "I should have's" will lead you down the path to self condemnation, guilt and shame. These feelings only lead your to destruction. First forgive yourself and then go straight to God and confess your wrong attitude and or behavior. If you do this He will forgive you. Lastly go to the one you wronged and with a soft and gentle heart ask for forgiveness.
If the problem still needs to be worked out then do it when your emotions are not flaming. Remember just because you are at a place to ask for forgiveness, you spouse may not be ready to admit their wrong. Do not admit it for them. Work to understand where they are and give them space to see how they may need to ask for forgiveness too.
Mimwrite
No comments:
Post a Comment